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College Football Uniforms: Best of the Midwest

October 13, 2012

College Football, Features

I’ve walked up and down the California coast, over the Rockies, then back north to Seattle before finally making my way to the Midwest. My route can undoubtedly be questioned, but the integrity of my quest should not. This is all in the name of chronicling college football uniforms, not impressing Rand McNally.

So, onwards!

The University of Wisconsin/University of Nebraska Debacle of 2012

The Midwest loves tradition, and they have done their best to keep two particular American traditions alive and well for a number of years: obesity and throwback uniforms. They did well to honor both these traditions when the Badgers faced the Cornhuskers earlier this season. Both teams donned retro jerseys for the Adidas Unrivaled Game (an annual event pairing up top Adidas football schools). No one will remember who won this game in a few years (except ‘Husker fans… MAYBE), but everyone will remember which team looked like the giant blood clot roaming the field. It was Nebraska. And it was the worst thing ever.

Too much sleep has been lost over the now infamous and heinous cherry red, black hole black combination, so I think it’s better to focus on the positives and the Badgers’ uniforms. They scream “tradition” but flirt with “new school bad-ass” at the same time.

To my knowledge, George Clooney had monopolized that category until this point. The numbers on the right side of the chest are classy as all get out and the simple “W” makes me really happy. Nebraska may have won the game, but Wisconsin looked better.

Northwestern University

If I would have told you at the beginning of the season, “Northwestern is 5-1 after six games.” You probably would have told me, “Of course they are, have you seen their new uniforms?!” Well, unlike you, I hadn’t seen their uniforms and didn’t know they would play such a crucial part in the Wildcats’ success!

Horizontal lines aren’t much of a staple in uniforms, but Under Armour isn’t much of a staple brand so they really don’t care. Keeping to tradition (!) and harkening back to the roots of the Wildcats, the horizontal design element is actually known in the football community as the “Northwestern Stripe”. Next to Charlie Brown, Northwestern has to have proud ownership over one of the more famous stripes in history. Kudos to Under Armour for giving Midwesterners a big all-you-can-eat buffet of tradition. They love that shit.

Central Michigan University

This one will please the “boss“. The Mid-American Conference not only has the most transparent name in all of college football, it has the best looking uniform from a team with condiments for colors. All I see is mustard, ketchup and the potential for a tasty bratwurst. However, the 2012 edition of the Chippewas has more than meets the eye. The ketchup red my stomach wants my eyes to see is more of a maroon, and the Dijon yellow I’m tempted with is closer to a school bus yellow.

The alternate, all-black jersey, is the charred to perfection ‘dog I’m just waiting to pour these majestic flavor-boosters onto but, alas, these Chippewas came to play in 2012, not to be a bunch of Heinz products. I’ll leave the ‘dog eating to the rest of the Midwest, I guess. They also love that shit.

University of Missouri

Of all the big things to come out of Missouri, these uniforms didn’t have much competition to be the best. That isn’t even a dig on Missouri, these kits are GGGGRRRREAT! Sadly, that isn’t the uniform but the result of me typing “tony the tiger, Missouri tigers” into Google. The real uniforms are here. These things bring the heat.

I like the matte helmet (duh) accompanying the yellow uni, and the white jersey brings a much needed element of innocence to their wardrobe. Despite the awesome uniforms, I’m still gutted that we live in a world where a team can’t play in the tiger costume from earlier. No promises I recover from this.

I Wish I Could of added Youngstown State But They’re Pretty Dull. Go ‘Guins!

University of Kansas

Remember when the Jayhawks were good for a few seasons? Like REALLY good? Yeah, that was weird. Anyways, their uniforms haven’t changed much since then. Really the only change they’ve made is swapping one big dude for another. But they also got some new gloves! It’s pretty incredible what brands are doing lately with gloves and the Jayhawk has to be one of the more intricate designs.

Hopefully Kansas can start putting some points on the board so they can shove their paws in front of cameras and awkwardly struggle to arrange them properly. Rock Chalk!

Stephen Kersh (@KaptainKersh) is majoring in jogging at the University of Portland

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5 Comments on “College Football Uniforms: Best of the Midwest”

  1. Brad Says:

    Thanks for your time for writing “College Football Uniforms: Best of the Midwest | TheFarmClub.net”.
    Imay definitely wind up being back again for alot more reading through and writing comments soon.

    Thanks a lot, Rosemarie

    Reply

  2. gene Says:

    Hilarious! And I learned something….thanks, well done

    Reply

  3. Matthew Milko Says:

    This article was awesome, spot on with the “unrivaled” uniforms. Would love to see you rank the uniforms in the Big Ten.

    Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. College Football Uniforms: The Beasts of The East | TheFarmClub.net - October 20, 2012

    […] Kersh, the normal author of this three piece segment, which covers the west, midwest and east, took the week off to become a better “jogger”. So I took the reigns this week […]

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