Week 5 NFL Thoughts: The Infinite Sadness

October 9, 2012

Features, Football, NFL, Weekly Thoughts

This week in the NFL was weird to me. It felt boring but had a handful of close games with finishes that came down to the wire. The Saints finally got in the win column on a night where Drew Brees breaks a Johnny Unitas record. The Colts rally to score a huge upset win for their coach Chuck Pagano, stricken with leukemia.  So what was the problem?  We’ll dive into that with this weeks “thoughts”.

Welcome to Buffalo Where Infinite Sadness Holds Sway

Even I have to admit that this is far faster than I expected the wheels to come off for Buffalo.  Didn’t they just spend a shit ton of money to improve this defense? It’s like Buddy Nix got drunk and went looking for a new car but ended up spending 100K on a broken down ’84 Pinto.  I mean, ARE YOU SHITTING ME? Giving up 52 to New England was both shitty and explainable (their offense, as it turns out, is pretty good) but 45 to the Niners? To Alex Smith? I don’t even have words right now.

I could rant for days about this defense because I love a good rantin’ but I had one sincere realization on Sunday.  I genuinely can’t remember what it’s like to root for a team that is relevant. Even when the Bills made all the noise they did in the off-season, they weren’t really relevant because half the league didn’t take them even the slightest bit seriously. And now we know why.  The last time the Bills were even relevant was probably like ’95 or ’96.  Which, I know it’s sports and it’s not all that important in the grand scheme and blah friggin’ blah, but do you know how goddamn upsetting it is to realize you put so much time into something and it’s TERRIBLE? I feel unclean.

Betting on Football is Normally Fun

No, I’m not Bill Simmons and I definitely don’t think I’m anywhere near smart enough to be wagering money on games but this weekend has taught me that I know jack shit about the NFL. I, probably like many, had the Packers this weekend.  Good for the Colts and Chuck Pagano.  I can’t hate on those guys for playing their balls off and rallying for their coach. Always good to see.  But the Packers? SERIOUSLY? You’re up 21-3 on one of the league’s worst teams who happened to be without their coach? I thought this defense, with all the fapping over Clay Matthews, was supposed to be good? If Aaron Rodgers didn’t get me 3 TD’s this week, I’d be furious at him but my hatred towards that offense is still mostly towards Jermichael Finley. You find me a fantasy owner who doesn’t hate that guy.

On top of that, I took the Texans -8 last night because all the signs were there, right? Texans dominating inferiors opponents and just happen to be playing one. The Jets, missing their best offensive and defensive player, facing turmoil at quarterback, struggling to stop the run? Surely, that’s money in the bank. But no. No, no, no. The Texans let the Jets hang just close enough to give them a bit of confidence. “We hung with the best team in the AFC, yeah!”  Are you happy now, Houston? ARE YOU? Awful goddamn weekend.

Speaking of the Packers

 What the shit is going on here? The defense as a whole is decidedly average, the offense slightly worse. People keep waiting for them to blow up but mistakes seem to keep occurring or the defense puts them in a hole.  And Aaron Rodgers seems to have someone constantly in his face. He’s certainly not getting any help from that shitbag Jermichael Finley, James Jones has a hard time running the right route, and Greg Jennings is only capable of being healthy for exactly 4.7 seconds before another muscle strains.  Get it together, fergodssake.

Kansas City Sports: Serious Business

Some of you may know by now that Matt Cassel of the Chiefs was knocked out of Sunday’s game with a concussion which was cheered by the home crowd.  Eric Winston, one of Cassel’s offensive linemen, ended up going off during post-game interviews about it as he rightfully should. Look, be a good citizen and don’t cheer when a guy gets his brains rattled around.  It won’t be funny when he’s 45 and having a gun for lunch.  Root for less damaging injuries that aren’t long-term.  A torn ACL, a dislocated shoulder, a broken foot. You know, more “media friendly” injuries.  You all should be ashamed of yourselves.  Especially because Brady Quinn is your backup.  Wanting that guy to take any meaningful snaps is like wanting your team to fail. And that makes you a BAD FAN.

So it Turns Out the Patriots Are Just Fine

Remember when people were openly wondering if the Patriots were on the downside and if Wes Welker was being phased out of the offense?  Yeah, those people are idiots.  Welker had another 13 catches for 104 yards and his first touchdown of the season in a 31-21 win over Denver.  The offense is first in yards/game, balancing the run (8th) and the pass (6th) in a ridiculously effective way.  Hell, even their defense has improved.  Granted, they’re still in the bottom half but now it’s only the bottom teens and not just the bottom, period.

It’s always funny when people lose their shit after a week or two.  You can’t really know anything about almost any team after that amount of time so why freak the hell out? If the Patriots were struggling like Rodgers and the Packers right now, yeah I’d get it. But they were stifled by exactly one team (Arizona) and are going to run away with the East since their only decent threat (Buffalo) turned out to be arguably the worst team in the division.  Can’t wait to see them back in the playoffs so they can choke again.

Week 6 should be more fun for me.  There are several legitimately intriguing matchups (Dallas/Baltimore, New England/Seattle, Green Bay/Houston, Giants/San Fran) and I’ve already lost all hope so I won’t be surprised when Arizona miraculously finds its running game and Kevin Kolb throws for 350 on this feux-defense.

Goddamnit, I really hate liking sports sometimes.

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