I’m Done With the NHL (But Not Really)

October 5, 2012


I have a short attention span. Borderline-ADD, even. It’s amazing that anything can hold my attention for an extended period of time before I’m a bored, drooling mess then it’s on to finding something else to do.

The NHL was one of those rare things that garnered my attention.

When I watch sports, I’m always doing something else. Surfing the net, checking my fantasy team/bets, texting, etc.  But when hockey is on? CAN’T BLINK, CAN’T MISS A SECOND. I’ve been a fan of hockey since I can first remember, going to Buffalo Sabres games at the old Memorial Auditorium with my aunt and parents.  I have fond memories of Dave Hannan’s OT goal, “May Day!”, and Darren Puppa (mostly because I was a kid and that’s the best name ever to a child. Hell, I STILL find this funny). I’ve been an NHL fan my whole life.

And now, for the third time in the last 20 years, the league is locked out, cancelling the first two weeks of games today. They effectively told me and every other fan “look, we appreciate your money but you’re irrelevant right now. Kindly eat shit.”  And we’re totally going to eat shit! Sports leagues have all the power in the world because we’re powerless sheep who just want what we want and no matter how much they abuse us, we’ll go back.

I feel like Champ Kind in “Anchorman” at this point.  “We need you. Hell, I need you. I’m a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being *near* you. I miss your laugh! I miss your musk… When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!”  Before the league finally tells me “Take it easy, Champ. Why don’t you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.”  Next thing you know, I’ll be shitting a squirrel.

But the tide is turning, oooooooooh yes.  You know what, league? I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE.  I have the NFL and College Football to satiate me.  Think I won’t watch the Bills and Wolverines disappoint me for the next 3 months? BECAUSE I WILL. Plus, gambling on other games makes those way more fun/infuriating/interesting. I’m not gonna let you tell me everything will be alright, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and then let me down.

And you know what else, NHL? I’m gonna give the NBA a serious try.  Sure, it’s mostly because my girlfriend has a ticket hookup and I’ll be going to many Cleveland Cavaliers games with primo seats but I’m turning to the dark side! David Stern gets my time and attention now, Bettman!

Ah, who the hell am I kidding? You will continue this lockout until New Year’s and I’ll piss and moan about it,  how I’m done with the league this time, how I’ll support the game but put a dime into the pockets of the NHL, etc.  But then the season will start just in time for the Winter Classic and I’ll come back to you, NHL.

I’ll come back and pretend like nothing ever happened.

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