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Ed Hochuli’s Unofficial (Unconfirmed) Press Release

September 27, 2012

Features

By now, everyone is aware that the NFL and the NFLRA have come to terms and we will see the return of the NFL referees beginning with tonight’s game between the Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens.

Shortly after the details were released, we received a press release from Ed Hochuli, without a doubt the NFL’s most recognizable referee.¬† Here’s what he had to say:

Well let me tell ya somethin’, Goodell. When I was sittin’ at home, dude, I was rubbin’ oil all over these 24-inch pythons when I said to myself “Hoch, brother. You can’t give up the faith, brah. These replacement refs can’t hold a candle to you. You just gotta keep takin’ your vitamins, sayin’ your prayers, and they’ll come crawling back, dude.” And that’s exactly what I did, brother! I worked out these guns, pumped iron in the mirror, and blasted “Real American” as high as it would go, brother.

And to Bill Belicick, let me just say this, dude: if you even think of layin’ your hands on the Hochster, brother, I’ll hit you with the big boot, drop the big leg, and count you down for the 1-2-3, brother. Because when ya mess with the real refs, when ya mess with the largest arms in the world, brah, you go down for the count. SO WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN ME, THE REAL REFS, AND ALL MY LITTLE HOCHAMANIACS RUN WILD ON YOUUUUUUUUUU?

Mr.Hochuli certainly seems excited for his return though he was a bit disappointed when he was informed he could not enter the stadium with his own entrance music while wearing a feather boa and playing air guitar.

His return should make tonight’s game a little more interesting.

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