Advertisements

The Farm Club Fantasy Debacle Week 3: As Days Go By

You know what the worst thing about fantasy football is? That every year, we do nothing but complain about how miserable it makes us, yet we all choose to play again almost without hesitation. If I had a dime for every time I said “this is my last fantasy football team ever” I’d have enough money to buy an actual football team and hire Liam Neeson as my head coach. Because with Ra’s Al Ghul and Oskar Schindler as my head coach, I would never lose!

This is a man who you do not disappoint.

I’m 1-2 in the Farm Club Fantasy Football Debacle 2012, and this IS IN NO WAY MY FAULT. More on that later. Here’s the must know team and player stats from last week.

PLAYERS THAT DON’T SUCK, UNLIKE EVERYONE ON MY ROSTER

Pictured: Demarco Murray, one of my starting running backs, smirking at how useless he is as a fantasy player.

Jammal Charles, RB, Kansas City

Nich Beesley’s Heenan School for Broadcast Journalism Brainiacs, aside from having that most ridiculously wordy team name in fantasy football history, also has a running back he can count on in Jamaal Charles, unlike every running back on my roster, who are collectively about as reliable as a monkey chauffeur (it sounds like an adorable idea, but you very quickly find out that monkeys are horrifically inept at navigation). Charles put up 39 fantasy points this week in our league, and scored about that many in most leagues. Can you expect this from him every week? No, but on the other hand you also probably can’t expect him to put forth half an effort against a sub-mediocre team like Frank Gore did this week.

Joe Flacco, QB, Baltimore

Oh hey everyone, Matt Pocket’s Pocket Rockets, aka Matt Pocket’s Autopick Extravaganza, aka Matt Pocket and the Revolution, somehow managed to score big with Joe Flacco, even though he didn’t actually draft Flacco (a computer algorithm did it for him). Flacco put up 28 points in our scoring system, against the Patriots no less, a team that Flacco is prone to struggling against, because they play in the NFL. Flacco may well prove himself to be a worthy full time fantasy quarterback this season, while in the past he would have been relegated to backup status. Flacco certainly proved himself to be superior to Eli Manning this week, because unlike Eli, Flacco didn’t decide to take a seat 12 yards shy of 300 passing and screw his owners out of fantasy points that they desperately needed.

Robert Griffin III, QB, Washington

I’d be willing to bet that Shane Viars wishes that quarterbacks were eligible as flex players, because his Fear Boners squad is forced to leave RG III languishing on the bench each week. Griffin had a redonkulous 25 fantasy points last week, which is more than anyone should expect from a rookie quarterback. I wish I could plug RG III in at my flex position, seeing as how my two best flex options aren’t tough enough to play through a simple knee injury (Reggie Bush) or aren’t man enough to demand their quarterback throw them the ball (Robert Meachem).

Bears D/ST

I’ll be the first to admit that the Bears D/ST wasn’t draft worthy this season. I expected them to stink. But they went out this week and put a 23 fantasy point hurting down on an admittedly bad St. Louis Rams team. But good defenses should put a hurting on bad teams, and the Bears proved their worth in this sense. Congratulations to Jack Crawley’s The Fighting Sheeds for taking advantage of this. Too bad my Texans D/ST couldn’t put a similar hurting on an over the hill Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos. Maybe then I would have beat The Fighting Sheeds this week.

THE TOP DOGS IN THE FARM CLUB FANTASY FOOTBALL DEBACLE, WHO ARE ONLY BETTER THAN ME BY HAPPENSTANCE AND NOT SKILL OF ANY KIND

Eric Ratowski’s Team ‘Merica (2-0-1)

Travis Devlin’s Sacko Del Torro (2-1-0)

Stefan Jagot’s Turd Ferguson’s (2-1-0)

Jack Crawley’s The Fighting Sheeds (2-1-0)

Erik Krieger’s BroLo El Quando (2-1-0)

WHY MY PLAYERS HAVE LET ME DOWN THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN AND HOW I PLAN ON REDEEMING MYSELF

The worst part about being a fantasy owner is the crushing realization that your players have let you down intentionally, just to screw with your success in your league. Its remarkable how childish a group of grown millionaire athletes can be (I’m looking at you, Marques Colston). And these scab refs aren’t doing me any favors either. Clearly, they all trained at the Mr. Magoo School of Officiating Arts. But this is the week I get out of the hole. And how do I do that? Motivation.

So I send out a challenge to my opponent for week 4, Travis Devlin. Whichever of us loses, which is to say, scores the least amount of points, must quit their job cut whichever player scored the most points on our roster this week. If I lose and Eli Manning puts up another 35 spot? Say bye bye to Eli. If Adrian Peterson puts up a record number of fantasy points and you still somehow lose? No more A.P. for you son. And if we somehow tie, like those squares Eric Ratowski and Shane Viars did this week, we’ll BOTH have to cut a player from our roster, but it will be a non Kicker/Defensive starter of our own choosing.

Its called motivating your players. Picked that little strategy up from my boy Liam Neeson. GAME ON.

Advertisements
, , , , , , ,

Subscribe

Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.

One Comment on “The Farm Club Fantasy Debacle Week 3: As Days Go By”

  1. Mike Gazdik Says:

    Send some of that motivation my way. I’m in the basement and my players have been getting trounced. Even though I still think I came out of the draft with one of the top squads…shit.

    Reply

Your Thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: