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The Friday Five: The Enjoy-The-New-Format Edition!

Welcome folks to another splendiferous (holy crap, splendiferous is actually a word?!) edition of the Friday Five. It is currently 3 AM Friday morning as I am writing this introduction to finish out this column, and the reason behind this is because of my job. I am a store manager of a music and movie chain store, and the store I run is an hour away from my house. We had an inventory tonight that went long and now here I am sitting in my bed, watching SportsNation wrap-up their 40 biggest jeers of August special. I am also upset that Aaron Rodgers didn’t get me the fantasy points this week (the Bears game) that I was hoping, and I probably should’ve played Robert Griffin III. But that’s not important right now. What is important is that I did defeat “Weak Thighs” Jack Crawley last week, and also won the week in my other league (and had the most points!) so now I am aware that I will probably be 1-1 in each league after this week. And also, this is the single longest introduction that has ever been written for this column, and it isn’t even over yet. I want to let you all know that from here on out, instead of focusing on news from the 4 big leagues, I will be looking at the sport as a whole, so enjoy the change, and let me know what you think, so without further ramblings of a sleepy dude, I give you this week’s Friday Five!

The Big News: The football season has begun. Half of the league is undefeated! The Lions won a too-close-for-comfort game against the Rams, Robert Griffin III and the Redskins pretty much picked apart the Saints in their own home, Andrew Luck had some bad luck with some picks, the Eagles and Browns had a crazy game, and Payton Manning showed he hasn’t lost a step with a wicked 75-yard bomb for a touchdown. Beautiful, yet crazy, way to open the first week of football.

Now on to our new expanded format…

Hockey: In a bit of news that I really hope is someone’s idea of a sick joke, ECHL (that’s the league right below the AHL, which is the league right below the NHL) team the Bakersfield Condors have offered Justin Bieber a contract. An amateur tryout contract, mind you, but still a contract nonetheless. Matt O’Dette, the team’s head coach and director of hockey relations has stated that Bieber plays a skilled yet tough style, and gives him all sorts of ridiculous props. I’m not sure if this is all a publicity stunt, but what the hell, man? Hockey is my favorite sport, and now I have to deal with this nonsense? It was bad enough when I saw a picture of this kid holding the Stanley Cup, now he might actually be playing the sport somewhat professionally? I really hope this turns out to be nothing, because if he gets to hook up with Selena Gomez AND play hockey for a real team, then there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with the universe.

“I got it! I got it! I…am nowhere near this ball, sorry guys,” Raburn shouts with his typical fielding pose.

Baseball: I live a quick jog away from the city limits of Detroit, Michigan. Now while in my wilder days I liked to be a contrarian and not like the home teams, I have grown up and learned to appreciate my home town guys. With that said, I think myself and all of the rest of the Detroit Tigers fans in the world can breathe a collective sigh of relief with the next news bit; Ryan Raburn has been placed on the 15-day DL. Raburn, who recently found himself penciled into the line-up against division rival (and leader) Chicago White Sox, in probably the most important series this season. Why? Because of this insane notion that past performance in a ballpark has any real bearing on performance now. Yeah, Failburn has a good history at U.S. Cellular, but what the hell has he done at all this season? Nothing. Nothing on offense, nothing on defense, but because he knows how Leyland likes his coffee he gets to play once in a while. Cut this disaster of a baseball player, and keep playing guys who are producing. I don’t want him on the team next year, as I can do a better job if I got the opportunity. What a joke.

Could this be coming back? Maybe. I’m not a psychic. Ask someone else.

Basketball: So does anyone remember what the NBA Finalist Oklahoma City Thunder were doing a few short years ago? For those of you who don’t know, they were toiling in the cellar of the league while still being called the Seattle Supersonics. A few years ago, for those who don’t know, the owners of the Supersonics wanted the Washington State Government to pay to upgrade KeyArena, where the Sonics played. A few factors, mainly the local government not wanting to do a real damn thing to keep the team in town led to the Sonics being sold to their new owners who moved the team to OKC as quickly as the could. A few thousand people got upset, and now it appears those few people may be getting another team. A near $500 million investment could potentially bring another team into Seattle. Where they would once more toil in the cellar, and nobody would really give a damn about them. Some places just aren’t markets for certain things, and I don’t think basketball will work in Seattle. Just ask Atlanta about their hockey teams…

I googled Michigan Quarterback and this is what came up. Even Google recognizes that Denard is just a glorified Running Back.

Football: I want to preface this by telling you all to go read some of the fantastic write-ups on College Football that are up here at the Farm Club. These guys are paying a lot more attention to the sport than I do, but I would call myself a bit more than just a casual observer. With that said, I would like to ask just what the hell Michigan fans are thinking after the first two games of the season. In case you don’t follow the sport, Michigan was absolutely decimated by National Champion Alabama in the opening game of the season on neutral grounds, and then BARELY squeaked out a victory over Air Force. AIR.FORCE. What kills me is that there are so many diluted Wolverines out there, that they’re applauding their team’s gutsy performance over AIR FORCE! Seriously, find a Michigan Wolverines fan and ask them about that game. Those are the teams you’re supposed to destroy. I’d like to point out also that the Wolverines opened their season ranked #8, and some people were foolishly declaring that Denard Robinson (Wholace?) was a Heisman candidate. One decent season (where no, you weren’t better than MSU, they beat you, again) apparently was enough to get their fans pumped up, without looking at the fact that the team got a few lucky breaks last year, and aren’t as talented a group. So to sum up, beat (by a better margin) the teams you should beat, like freaking AIR FORCE and then maybe win a Big Ten Title before you start talking about how your team is elite again.

Tennis: I know I did a bit on Andy Roddick retiring from Tennis, and I want to try and mix up what the Five is about every week, but something happened in the world of tennis that made me elated as a fan. Andy Murray won the U.S. Open. I’ve long been a fan of Murray, as I feel he is a very likable guy, and his hope to make his hometown famous for something other than a horrible tragedy (look it up, I’m not explaining it here) is very admirable. He was 0-4 in previous Grand Slam Finals appearances, including most recently at Wimbledon (where a Brit hasn’t won in decades) but he did win Olympic Gold there, in front of his home crowd. Murray is a talented guy, who has the misfortune of living in an era of 3 other extremely, EXTREMELY talented tennis players, including an aging Roger Federer who is for some reason getting better. I was geeked when Murray went up 2 sets to none of Djokovic, a player I also enjoy watching (just because he beats Nadal, who makes me sad for beating Federer) before almost choking and allowing Djokovic to tie it up at 2-all. Then Murray turned up the jets, and Djokovic’s body began to slow, and Murray captured his first Grand Slam. Some of you (alright, probably most of you) may think tennis is boring, but watch it sometime, and see how much emotion is displayed from the matches through the finals wins, and tell me that isn’t what sports are all about.

That is going to wrap-up another edition of the Friday Five, and I appreciate all of you who joined me this week for this new, expanded sport format. I hope it goes over as well as I anticipate, and if any of you want to chime in feel free to leave a comment or drop me a line. Sadly the hilarious unintentionally dirty line of the week is on hiatus as I have been working my butt off at my job this week to prepare for our inventory, so I haven’t been able to watch sports as much as I would have liked, but have no fear, it shall return next week, and so will I, see you then.

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About lostcitysaint

I am a 25 year old manager of a chain record store. I am heavily into sports, music and all things geek. I am tattooed, chubby, bearded and awesome. Straight Edge. History major. Hopeful musician.

View all posts by lostcitysaint

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