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A Beginner’s Guide to Finding Your EPL Team

August 19, 2012

Features, Soccer

Corporate sponsors, get used to it.

The 2012-13 edition of the English Premier League is underway and with the coverage of the league being larger than ever in America there are sure to be many new viewers this year.

This is obviously exciting, but one problem may arise for the newbies of the EPL; which team should I root for? The games aren’t as fun if you don’t have emotions invested in a team, and with 20 teams to choose from it may be a bit overwhelming, or you may be too lazy.

Do not fret my novice soccer fans, I am here today to help you make the right decision on which team you should place your loyalty with this year, and hopefully many years to come.

The selection will be based on four fan types that hopefully you can fit yourself in to. There are five teams in each category, and I give you the freedom (you’re welcome) to choose from them.

Shall we begin?

Fan Type 1: “The Glory Hunter”

If you are a consistant rider of the bandwagon, there are 5 teams that you can make your selection from. Those are Manchester United, Chelsea, Manchester City, Arsenal, and Tottenham Hotspur. These teams rarely lose, and if they do it is amongst each other. If you like the Yankees, Patriots, Heat, or Red Wings and don’t live in those respective cities, these may be the teams you want to support this season, simply because they are winning clubs and you, The Glory Hunter, only like winners.

Pros: These teams are always in the upper echelon of the EPL, making every game they play in interesting. Also the simple pleasure of knowing your team is better than everyone else is pretty appealing I hear.

Cons: You may be looked at as a bandwagon fan, but from my observations bandwagon fans always find a way to rationalize their devotion to a winning team.

Fan Type 2: “The Almost Famous”

Yeah you also like a winner, but you really hate being associated with stereotypes that come from being a “Glory Hunter“. So instead of pledging your allegiance to the previously named teams, you step not too far out of the box, but enough to keep the bandwagon label off of you. These teams are Liverpool, Everton, Newcastle, Fulham, and West Bromwich Albion. The teams you like in America are teams like the Tigers, Ravens, Bulls (of recent), and the Flyers. Basically you like teams that are good, but not quite great.

Pros: Your teams are good enough to ensure a victory most of the time they play, and you don’t have to face the constant ridicule of being a bandwagon fan. Also, X-rays show you have some form of a spine unlike your counterparts.

Cons: The “Glory Hunter” teams are still better than your team, so bragging rights will be hard to come by. Also the disappointment of being not quite there, may be frustrating enough to lose some sleep at night.

Fan Type 3: “The Hipster

Sure you would root for a winner, but that winner has to be an obscure team that really has no fan base outside of their respective cities. You and your hipster fan friends (who exist solely online) scoff at the Glory Hunter, and the Almost Famous fans for being too “mainstream”. The teams you support are, Stoke City, Sunderland, Wigan Athletic, Aston Villa, West Ham United. Are they good? Eh… but that really doesn’t matter because your pride comes from when you explain why you are not a fan of the teams listed prior. In terms of American teams similar you likely root for the Athletics, Jaguars, Jazz, and as for Hockey, you probably like every team, because no one has ever heard of them.

Pros: The ego boost that comes from your obviously not cultured friends saying “I never heard of them”. Also, the camaraderie of those who choose not to root for the well known teams is a strong one, so you will be welcomed by those who have already made the similar decision to root for these kinds of teams.

Cons: If your looking for a winning team, you’ve come to the wrong place. These teams are normally fighting to stay in the Premier League, and often take severe beatings from the teams in the two other groups.

Fan Type 4: “The Underdog”

Now I will be the first to admit, underdog is an understatement. These teams are not good, and probably will never be due to the financial structure of English Football. Nevertheless they are in the Premier League, and hell, they need fans too. The teams in America you like are the Cubs, Browns, Bobcats, and Oilers. You definitely can relate to the Hipster in terms of team obscurity, but unlike the teams listed above normally still have their way with your teams. Who are your teams? they are Norwich City, Queens Park Rangers, Swansea City, Reading, and Southampton.

Pros: Every dog does have their day, and why your team may never win the EPL, qualify for a European tournament, or even be in the Premier League next year; any time they beat the big dogs (which isn’t often) you get to give the ultimate “F U” to the Glory Hunter,  Almost Famous, and those dirty Hipsters. 

Cons: Your team sucks. I’m not kidding, simply awful. QPR lost their first game 5-0 to Swansea City.

Hopefully this was a good start for you, novice fan. Now that you have a good idea of what team you want to root for, I’d advise checking my fellow Farm Club inhabitant, Michael Gazdik and his in-depth preview of your newly beloved EPL team this season, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

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About Stefan Jagot

22-year-old Broadcasting and Cinematic Arts Major at Central Michigan University. The jack of all trades for TheFarmClub.net.

View all posts by Stefan Jagot

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  1. English Premier League Review: Week 3 | TheFarmClub.net - September 4, 2012

    […] club as well as an article from co-founder Stefan Jagot that should help you decide which club you should root for. You can check all these out by clicking the Soccer tab in the navigation row at the top of the […]

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