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American’s Pastime: Drinking Games

July 25, 2012

Baseball, Features

Welcome to baseball.

Summer is the time of baseball. No other major U.S. sport (sorry MLS) is brave enough to go toe to toe with the American summer, nor can compare with the hot dog/brat, beer and baseball combo. There simply is nothing better to enjoy on a lazy Saturday after a hard work week.

And who is there to burst a sports fan’s perfect outing? That one friend or group of friends screaming, “Baseball’s too slow!” “It’s boring!” “My grandpa watches that shit and falls asleep during it!”

Well, your grandfather would probably fall asleep watching a whipped cream wrestling match between two beautiful bikini-clad women. And your friends probably are too dumb to understand the intricacies of the sport. But, thankfully, there are ways to get these Neanderthals involved in your summertime delight, as well as get extremely wasted.

Drinking games. Drinking games have been around since man discovered alcohol and the medieval police started developing drunk tanks. The English sing, the Irish dance, the Swedish eat something pickled, I assume, and Americans, well, we usually just drink a whole hell of a lot of PBR or High Life, slug down some shots of cheap Canadian whisky (note the exclusion of the ‘e’) and play beer pong or flip cup.

But these games really don’t work during the game of baseball. You can’t exactly watch the pitches or feel the suspense while yelling at your college roommate about the stupidity of the “floating cup” rule.

So what are some games you can use to better help you enjoy the game of baseball…and for the good of your country, be an ambassador to the sport for your lost friends?

Here are some games I thought of, found, or have played before. If you’ve heard of them before, get over it, I’m just trying to help you get messed up. Feel free to name them whatever you will and create your own variations. They should be simple enough, should provide adequate drink to get you properly torqued, skinned, smashed, swipey and shitfaced.

If you’ve seen this guy before, you know what I’m talking about.

-“The Home Team” or “Versus”

When to play: You and a friend have a case of beer or a couple cheap fifths and nothing else to do on a weekday night. If you have class or work the next morning, you get props for attempting this.

Plays Involved: Strikeouts and Runs.

How to play: Each of you chooses a team. If your chosen team’s pitcher strikes a player out, drink a shot or a before agreed upon amount of beer. Also, if your chosen team scores a run, take a drink.

Summary: There’s really no way you’re getting out of this without at least a substantial buzz. Average strikeouts are around 7 a game, runs probably about 4-5. And you’re talking within a 3 hour time frame. Even if your team gets shut out, you’re probably going to be a bit slow.

-Batting Around

When to play: There’s a game with 4th or 5th starters pitching and you have a few friends that are actually moderately interested in baseball. Even if not, one guy that will tell everyone else when and how much to drink.

Get on this level.

Plays Involved: Hits, Homeruns.

How to play: Ok, this one takes some more intense following than some are willing or able to do while drinking. The leadoff hitter gets a hit, that’s a one second swig of your drink. The 2nd, two. The cleanup, four. Sure, it sounds easy, but once you start drinking, you’re going to asking the person next to you the lineup. If the man in the 9th spot gets a hit, you shotgun a beer or drink a double shot. Yes, a double shot, for not having beer on hand. If a homerun is hit, you do the same.

Summary: This could go many ways. Somehow, these low-end starters’ inner Armando Gallarraga is channeled, and you have to find other ways to drink. Or your pitchers are getting lit up and you’re on the floor, making a call to your ex-girlfriend from high school, frantically attempting to find out where you two went wrong. The latter is more than likely.

-The Oldie or “The Pace of the Game”

When to play: Literally can work with any crowd in any atmosphere. Think of it as an icebreaker.

Plays Involved: Innings, Homeruns.

How to play: Drink one beer an inning. Do a shot every homerun.

Summary: It’s so simple, it’s so easy. It’s an oldie, but goodie. It’s something you can play at the bar, at home by yourself, in a large group of people, or just when generally socializing. If you find yourself falling behind, the catching up can be quite fun. And you probably will find yourself falling behind, as you are socializing or watching the game, forcing you to slam a beer during the break. I’d definitely suggest this one for the World Series.

-“The Crotch Grab”

When to play: When you’re home bored with a few of your friends. This is definitely something I would’ve played in high school, between games of doing shots whenever something questionably homosexual happened in The Lord of the Rings movies or Arnold delivered a catch phrase.

Big Chief. The Best.

Plays Involved: Ass slaps, crotch grabs, spits of tobacco or sunflower seeds and any others you can think of.

How to play: Every time you see a player do something “baseball,” take a drink. Now, these can get pretty dicey based on your definitions, so maybe you’d like to set up some rules before you play. For the ladies, leave out sunflower seed spitting, but if you really want to get sloshed, try to keep up.

Summary: It’ll probably just end up as a split party: one group of drunken fools yelling at the TV and another group blindly following them into ShittyLand. The first group will probably lie half the time.

-“The Gambler” (with a twist)

When to play: Two friends. Not shit to do. No one wants to go out. You know the scenario, we’ve all been in it. Go pick up a case!

Plays Involved: Hits, Outs.

How to play: As the name suggests, you’ll be gambling quite a bit during this game. The original Gambler game would go like this: Whenever a batter comes to the plate, you choose whether the batter will get a hit or an out. If you lose the bet, you drink. That’s all well and good, but to add a twist to the game let’s settle on some other rules. If the battle is a walk, you both drink (since you’re both wrong). If runs are batted in on a HIT (sacrifice = out), then if one of you picked “out,” you must drink in accordance with how many runs are batted in. ¼ of your drink (if you mix right) and ½ beer for each run. Homeruns? Chug a drink, do a shot or shotgun a beer if you’re wrong. In addition: Consensus decisions are allowed, but not recommended for fun of the game.

Summary: Potential for early blindness and death. Bet smart and hope to make it to the 9th inning.

Do this.

So there are a few games I have played and enjoyed while watching a baseball game and others I have found or heard of. Sometimes we made it all the way to the 9th inning. Other times the game was given up. Stay safe, never sober and enjoy your summer.

Follow @MGazzy on Twitter.

If you have any other drinking games you’d like to share with other readers or a story about how the games went for you, don’t hesitate to comment and share!

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About Mike Gazdik

Born in Detroit, raised in Warren, MI and now located in Grand Rapids, Mike has lived in Michigan his whole life: totaling 22 years. He currently is Vice-President of The Farm Club, a blog that is growing daily with new writers and readers. He enjoys offering research driven articles on many different subjects, but mostly American football. The goal of The Farm Club is to give aspiring college writers the ability to write on what topics really get them ticking, while sharing their insight and feelings with a large reader base. www.thefarmclub.net If you think you'd like to contribute to The Farm Club, contact the blog on Twitter, Facebook or through email. Information is listed on the blog's webpage.

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